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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/26838520">Harry’s Worst Memory</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/headlessnicks/pseuds/headlessnicks'>headlessnicks</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-10-05</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-10-05</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 12:33:49</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>2,212</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/26838520</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/headlessnicks/pseuds/headlessnicks</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>During an Occlumency lesson, Snape stumbles into one of Harry’s worst memories.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Harry Potter &amp; Severus Snape, James Potter/Lily Evans Potter, Lily Evans Potter &amp; Severus Snape</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>3</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>69</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Harry’s Worst Memory</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The sky was awfully clear today, and with it the weather. Not that he would have the opportunity to enjoy it anyway, Harry thought as he descended the stairs and made his way down to the dungeons. His gloom grew worse with each step he made towards the Potions classroom, where he knew the most hated Potions master waited to torment him as he always did. </p><p>Occlumency lessons had now gone from once a week to twice, and Snape would take any chance he could get to tell Harry that it was because he was absolutely terrible at it. Not that Harry could do anything about it. The lessons had become routine by now; Snape would go through his memories and taunt him, and Harry would take the bait and lash out in anger which most often made the man angrier. Either way, Harry would be shoved out the door and a week later they’d resume once more.</p><p>Harry had a feeling Dumbledore had something to do with the fact Snape kept coming back to teach him, and wished the headmaster would stop interfering. Though Harry wasn’t getting any better at keeping Voldemort’s visions out of his head, they were starting to become clearer. Just two nights back, he had gotten through the long hallway and into the darkened room. He knew it was a matter of time before he made it through the room to whatever was waiting on the other side.</p><p>Harry realized as he neared Snape’s office that having these thoughts in his head was just about the worst thing he could do, and shook his head in full concentration as he willed for any memory about his dreams to disappear. Knowing full well he wouldn’t be here if he’d have been able to do it, Harry raised a fist and knocked twice on the large wooden door before him.</p><p>”Enter,” called a silky voice from inside and with his heart knotted tightly in his chest, Harry pushed the door open.</p><p>Snape was standing, as he usually did, with his back to Harry. He was facing the pensive,   and as Harry watched, Snape put his wand against his temple to draw out the long white strands of memories and placed them into the floating device in front of him. Snape stirred the contents over for another minute before he straightened and turned to him. Harry bit back an inward curse as he watched the other man’s lip curling at the sight of him.</p><p>”Well, Potter, it seems you’ve finally managed to learn to tell time. A little longer and perhaps you’ll learn to read as well.”</p><p>Harry blinked.</p><p>”What’s that supposed to mean?” Harry asked, frowning.</p><p>Snape edged closer towards him, and pointed a long finger at the chair opposite his desk. Harry obeyed silently, drawing the chair just a little further. He watched as Snape settled down in his own seat and reclined on his seat, his fingers tapping away on the armrest.</p><p>“Are you truly as stupid as you appear to be, Potter?” Snape asked after some time.</p><p>”What?” Harry gawked, surprised that the other man wasted no time in insulting him. Snape was lucky that Harry hadn’t had detention with Umbridge the past week, or else he’d have been in a mood foul enough to pick a fight with him.</p><p>“You <em>are </em>aware that Dolores Umbridge is insistent on overthrowing Albus Dumbledore and take over the school, Potter?” he spat, his eyes narrowing.</p><p>”Yes.”</p><p>”Yes, <em>sir</em>.”</p><p>Harry only nodded.</p><p>”You are aware that anything you say or do, she will hold it, not against you, but the headmaster?”</p><p>Snape was met with another silent stare from Harry, whose mind was buzzing with questions all of a sudden. What on earth was Snape going on about? Would Umbridge even be able to replace Dumbledore?</p><p>”What are you and your little friends doing running around the school in secret?”</p><p>”Nothing. Just homework.”</p><p>Harry had replied too quickly, and Snape had seen that. The man was wearing a triumphant smile as he leaned towards Harry.</p><p>”Homework, is it Potter? And why would you and students from Ravenclaw and Hufflepuff be meeting each other on the seventh floor once every week? That’ll be for homework too then, will it?” Snape asked in a mocking tone.</p><p>”No, <em>we </em>were actually discussing Quidditch. See, we <em>really </em>want to beat Slytherin, so we all come together and planned to-“</p><p>”-enough. Potter, I do not care if you want to form secret underground societies and teach underage witches and wizards to fight, I have wasted enough of my precious time trying to stop you and your big head from getting yourself and every other student you involve into mortal peril. But I do care if this foolishness and arrogance will result in Umbridge taking reign of this school!”</p><p>Snape had hissed so loudly that his spit had gone flying everywhere. Harry felt his heart hammering loudly against his chest. Snape knew, he knew about Dumbledore’s Army and now he was going to get them expelled.</p><p>”You-you have no proof,” Harry began.</p><p>”I will not warn you again, Potter. Dumbledore may tolerate your childishness but I certainly will not. If the Headmaster is forced out of this school, then everything will be lost. If I catch you or your little army anywhere in the vicinity ,you will be on the next train back to your dear aunt and uncle.”</p><p>”You-“</p><p>”Stand up and take out your wand, Potter. I’ve had enough of your nonsense already,” Snape cut through Harry, and sprang to his feet.</p><p>Harry jumped back quickly, drawing his wand in a defensive stance. He was too angry, and far too shocked to do anything. Cursing Snape under his breath, Harry forced himself to close his mind but his emotions were getting the better of him.</p><p>”I’ve said this a million times but you’re too thick-headed so I will say it again: let go of your emotions-“</p><p>”-I could if you’d stop talking-“</p><p>”-and stop reflecting your anger towards me. You will not be able to close your mind if you let yourself wallow in your feelings, Potter. Close your eyes. Ready....<em>Legilimens!”</em></p><p>Harry was pretty sure he had expected it, and yet when it hit him he hadn’t been able to stop it.</p><p>
  <em>He was six, and Aunt Marge was making him carry a tray of glasses out into the garden where Uncle Vernon and Aunt Petunia lay stretched out. He was nine, and Dudley and his stupid friends wanted to see how long Harry could breathe with a bag over his head. He was in the graveyard, watching as the green spell hit Cedric square on the chest–</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“NO!”</em>
</p><p>Harry found himself on the floor, it was one he had become accustomed to by now. He was lying a distance away from where he had stood before. Snape had lowered his wand, and Harry could see him seething behind the stone cold expression he was wearing.</p><p>”What spell were you intending to use against me, Potter?” Snape asked.</p><p>“I hadn’t worked that out yet,” Harry replied, panting slightly as he did his best not to look at Snape.</p><p>”We have been through this Potter! You are not good enough to block me with your mind, so you will choose a spell that will physically stop me from going through your head!”</p><p>”Yes. Sir.”</p><p>”Do you have a spell in mind?”</p><p>”Yes, Sir.”</p><p>”Hold onto it. Now, brace yourself...<em>Legilimens!”</em></p><p>
  <em>Harry was looking at the Mirror of Erised, his father was laughing as Harry rode a broom, his mother was staring back at him with an expression so frightening that it scared Harry–</em>
</p><p>Harry realized that suddenly he was going through memories and images that weren’t his own.</p><p>”What?” he asked aloud, knowing what exactly was happening but too helpless to do anything about it.</p><p>
  <em>A tall teenager with a hooked nose was sitting in a compartment as he looked out the window, he saw the same boy kneeling with his hand stretched out in front of him, blood flowing freely from the ugly Mark etched onto his skin, there was a familiar cold laughter and then:</em>
</p><p>
  <em>”Severus, what have you done!”</em>
</p><p>Harry felt himself being wrenched up from the floor and thrown into something hard behind him. With a gasp of pain, he slid back to the floor, feeling nothing but relief that he was back to reality. As his vision returned, he saw that Snape was also on the floor. His wand was in Harry’s wand.</p><p>Snape staggered to his feet, pale beyond reason and practically charged towards Harry. With trembling hands, he snatched his wand from Harry before pulling him up to stand on his own two legs. Harry’s legs felt weak, as though they would buckle over the memory he had just witnessed. He was pretty sure he had just seen his teacher taking the Dark Mark, and had heard a familiar voice screaming in the background. Where had he heard the woman’s voice before?</p><p>”What-what spell did you use, Potter?”</p><p>”Expelliarmus,” Harry replied and then, “how’d you throw me against your shelf if I had your wand?”</p><p>Snape watched him curiously for a moment before replying.</p><p>”It was a defense mechanism. If you learn Occlumency, Potter, you’d learn to do the same. But we still have a long way to go before that. Back to your initial position,” Snape ordered gruffly.</p><p>Harry wondered if he would ask what Harry had seen, but Snape seemed to prefer not bringing it up and for that Harry was grateful. He knew Snape was a Death Eater, but hadn’t realized how frightening it would’ve been. And that scream...</p><p>Harry hadn’t even raised his wand when Snape hit him with the spell. Hard as he tried, he couldn’t shut that scream away. He knew he had heard it somewhere, so he concentrated on it instead. The voice was getting clearer–</p><p>
  <em>“Take Harry and go!” James was shouting as he pushed Lily towards the staircase that would lead to Harry’s nursery.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Lily was whispering something to Harry but he couldn’t make out the words. He saw his mother press a soft kiss to his forehead, saw how she hadn’t realized Voldemort was standing behind her.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>”Step aside,” he hissed but Lily only held on tighter to Harry.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>”No,” she begged,”not Harry. Take me, kill me instead-!”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>”Move, you foolish girl,” came the snake-like voice as he aimed his wand at Lily.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>”Kill me. Kill me. Please, not him, not Harry-“</em>
</p><p>Harry knew what would come next. He’d seen it a hundred times before, Voldemort would raise his wand and utter that unforgivable curse that would leave his mother lying cold and limp on the floor. But before he could live through that horrifying moment once more, Harry was brought back to Snape’s office floor. His knees were digging into the cold, hard floor but what held his attention the most was Snape’s face.</p><p>He was trembling from head to toe, his shaking hands gripping the table in front of him for support. There was a look of horror etched across his face, and he seemed to have forgotten that Harry was there at all. If there had ever been proof that Snape was a human being, Harry would bet all the galleons he had in the world that it was right this moment.</p><p>”Sir?” he asked warily, noticing just how small his voice sounded.</p><p>He had been taken aback at the memory. It was one he hadn’t thought about in a while, as he had worse memories to haunt him now. He realized now that no matter how much Cedric’s death had scarred him, witnessing his parents’ death had been far worse. Seeing his father bravely push his mother out of the way and to take on Voldemort without a wand unnerved him. And his mother, Lily had refused to give Harry up to save her own. She died keeping him safe.</p><p>”He asked her to-to step aside,” Snape whispered, more to himself than to anyone else.</p><p>”Yes,” Harry replied and saw how quickly Snape’s eyes shot up to him.</p><p>His senses began coming back to him, and a little colour returned to his cheeks.</p><p>”But she didn’t,” Harry continued, “she died to save me so if you have anything to say against her or my dad-“</p><p>”She...was very brave, your mother,” he managed.</p><p>”Yeah, she was,” Harry agreed, shocked at Snape’s sudden change in demeanor.</p><p>”And so was my dad,” he continued, feeling brave all of a sudden.</p><p>Snape didn’t say anything but turned his back to Harry and pointed towards the door.</p><p>”Next week, same time. Don’t be late. And remember what I told you about your secret club.”</p><p>Harry didn’t need to be told twice. It was by the time he reached the Gryffindor common room that Harry recognized the woman’s voice from Snape’s memory. And as Ron and Hermione greeted him and asked him to tell them what had happened with Snape, Harry had decided that what he’d seen and heard had been nothing more than his own imagination.</p><p>After all, what on earth could a popular Gryffindor witch ever have been doing with a Slytherin Death Eater?</p><p> </p>
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